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Captain Kirk vs Han Solo
Captain Kirk vs Han Solo is the thirty-sixth battle of the Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains, and the eleventh battle of Season 3. It features the commander of the Starship Enterprise, Captain Kirk, battling smuggler and Rebellion ally, Han Solo, along with a surprise entry by Guardian of the Galaxy, Star-Lord. It was published July 8, 2016. Cast EpicLLOYD as Captain Kirk Jacksfilms as Han Solo Alex Farnham as Star-Lord Lyrics Kirk's lines appear in yellow, Han Solo's in vanilla, Star-Lord's in red, Groot's in pale brown, and Chewbacca's in dark brown.* 'Captain Kirk:' I assure you won't be... waiting into the Next Generation, For your smugglin' ass to be beaten, when this lyrical Force Awakens. Kirk to Enterprise: I found no, intelligent life, to report Only a scruffy-looking... nerf herder, father of a future Sith Lord. I'm the savior of all Four Quadrants, you helped the Rebellion, somehow? I've taken command of this battle, I am the Captain now! I don't believe in 'no-win,' so I invite you... to do your worst. I'd be afraid of being put on blast-er, but Greedo… shot first! 'Han Solo:' I don’t need the Force nor a saber or lasers to clean out the Enterprise’s sergeant A yellow Commander Shepard with a speech impediment? Who put you in charge? I’m the right kind of mean: cold as I be, I became a trope for Sci-Fi themes I mean, come on, your rhyme schemes are as lame as your fight scenes! Me, Leia and Luke: taking down troops like you take out alien cutes And I’m still making loot! So Captain, is there anything I can say to you? And your tech is so outdated, what’re you gonna do with your flip phone? I fought in wars, you left your whole crew as you boldly went on home. 'Captain Kirk:' I conquered Khan, I can easily… overcome this cunning con, and his Bigfoot too, I’m not doing this, by the book. Because the truth is, Solo… I loathe you! 'Han Solo:' I know. Being the biggest badass bounty across the galaxies does that. But ask Jabba the Hutt - it’s not hard beating a chunky, stuttering dumbass. 'Captain Kirk:' With an angst-y teenage brat, leading to your demise, you must wanna cry, Ask Mr. Spock, it doesn't take much... to be emotionally compromised. Your tradition of ad-libbed lines, won't save you this time, With those rhymes, it's almost a crime against a man... this sublime! J.J. may have blown the minds of some fanboys, but he rebooted me first. Property of the same... company who owns the Mouse, it's a franchise curse. Then they saw you weren't relevant, so you were killed off... in the sequel. I had to face The Wrath of Khan, you had to follow those prequels! 'Han Solo:' It seems your phaser’s been set to stun, ‘cause I’m making moves still Wanna talk Abrams? Made 2.1 billion, something your films never will. Tell Scotty to beam you away, go to Spock to save the day, You’re just one shot away from getting launched in outer space I could disarm you in twelve parsecs, leave you in the compactor to discard And with that in regard, you’re more trash than Captain Picard Hell, I was blind and I still finished the second Fett in the pit! So I’ll leave you like your chances of winning: It’s dead, Jim. 'Captain Kirk:' Wait, one minute, Han. Do you hear this, “Ooga-chaka” business? 'Han Solo:' Yeah, Jimmy. I have a very bad feeling about this... 'Star-Lord:' The hardest guardian: Star-Lord, boarding this “Star” War Against the Rocket Man and hostage far more annoying than Jar Jar Pounding these space clowns, don’t shine a blacklight around My ship may be filthy, but hey, we all know you’re going down. Beam up your team, there’s nothing beating Peter Quill Because Peter will defeat them all while singing ill Bringing Criminal Minds to Galactica, you grandpas can’t tag along Han couldn’t handle his son, I’d rather battle the padawan. When it comes to solving problems, I’m the one who found the root It’s the two of you, excluded when my dude goes “We are Groot”. And the same goes to your crew, Spock and Chewbacca (Rrrrrrrr!) There’s no beating me when my tape plays Blue Swede mantras So side with me, there’s no fear in family-caused casualties Both a thief and a chief, hell, I’m the best in the Galaxy! While both of you are hasbeens: frozen in time. Only difference is that I’m a man who’s still in his prime. Category:Season 3 Category:Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains Category:Captain Kirk vs Han Solo Category:TKandMit Category:JPhil2.0